the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
