cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
