Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
