Tell her she can't have a vagina
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
