I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
