FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
