Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
