If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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