singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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