I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
