I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
