Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
