You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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