His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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