awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
