Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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