found the other keg... it's in the tree
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
