it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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