so explain again why im purple
no
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
