Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
