Its about making memories worth repressing
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
