The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
