just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize