just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
