Where is the hickey?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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