was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
