Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
