i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
