I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
