i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
