How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
