My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
