so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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