taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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