I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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