worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
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IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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