how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
