Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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