you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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