You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
