Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
