Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
