Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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