I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
