my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
