Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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