girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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