Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
