Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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