i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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