I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
