y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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