We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
