meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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