you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
