That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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