I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I love having hate sex.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
