If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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