Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
