By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
