When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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