So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
40s are totally the cure
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
