I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
