Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
