Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Send help, water and tortillas.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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