Redeem this text for a blowjob
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i've created a new STD.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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