everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
