I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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