He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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