so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
