I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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