Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
