in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
