I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
