weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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