I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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